Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm like, not good at living.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
