This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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