Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
