My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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