Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
