i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
