We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
