i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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