just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
