The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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