false alarm. still invincible.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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