you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
