Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
