THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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