I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
