Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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