your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
