i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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