My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
