Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
