My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
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Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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