My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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