i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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