I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
