literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
