The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
