I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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