My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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