I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
