This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
