I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
