dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
