I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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