So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
