I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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