you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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