I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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