I'm laying in your front yard are you home
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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