The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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