Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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