Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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