i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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