Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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