Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
