Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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