I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
