I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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