I need to stop coming to work sober
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
