i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
