I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
