She is in my trunk
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
