Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
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please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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