Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We're too hungover to prance.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
