sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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