I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
