she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
