Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
