8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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