just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
