honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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