Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
