i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
