Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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