I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
