The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
