I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
