I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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